Science Jokes

Sorry there aren’t more jokes. We only update them …. periodically!

Chemistry

 NaCl 
NaOH         The base is under a salt!

– – – – – – – –

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!

– – – – – – – –

If Iron Man and Silver Surfer team up, they would be alloys.

– – – – – – – –

Timmy’s teacher asks the class, “What is the chemical formula for water?”
Timmy pipes up and replies, “HIJKLMNO!!!”
Timmy’s teacher asks, “Where did you get that from?”
Timmy replies, “Yesterday you said it was H to O!”

– – – – – – – –

Q: Anyone know any good jokes about sodium?
A: Na

– – – – – – – –

Mary had a little lamb,
She doesn’t anymore.
What she thought was H20,
Was H2SO4.

– – – – – – – –

Johnnie was a chemist.
Johnnie is no more.
What he thought was H2O
was H2SO4.

– – – – – – – –

Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What do you call an educated tube?
A: A graduated cylinder.

– – – – – – – –

Q: How can you spot a chemist in the restroom?
A: They wash their hands before they go.

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why does a hamburger have lower energy than a steak?
A: Because it’s in the ground state.

– – – – – – – –

Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium BATMAN.

– – – – – – – –

Q: If H20 is water what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . .

– – – – – – – –

I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?
A: “Au revoir”

– – – – – – – –

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

– – – – – – – –

Q: Where does a chemist put the dirty dishes?
A: In the zinc!

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why did the chemist’s pants keep falling down?
A: Because he had no acetol.

– – – – – – – –

A biologist and a physicist got married but it didn’t last long and they soon got divorced. There was just no chemistry.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.

– – – – – – – –

Old chemists never die. They just become inert and fail to react.

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
A: Because it’s basic stuff.

– – – – – – – –

Lose an electron? Gotta keep an ion it!

– – – – – – – –

Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
A: He’s 0K now

– – – – – – – –

I’m reading a chemistry book about helium. I can’t put it down.

– – – – – – – –

The lab smells like rotten eggs?
Sorry to hear about your sulfuring.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!

– – – – – – – –

Whenever someone starts telling chemistry jokes, I can’t help myself.
I guess it just acts as a catalyst!

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why are chemists great at solving problems?
A: They have all the solutions.

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They’re cheaper than day rates!

– – – – – – – –

Q: What did Argon do when Copper insulted him?
A: Argon had no reaction.

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met

– – – – – – – –

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too.” The second chemist died.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What element is a girl’s future best friend?
A: Carbon.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What did the student say when she heard that Oxygen and Magnesium went out on a date?
A: OMg!

 

 

Physics

A neutrino walks into a bar…and keeps right on going.

– – – – – – – –

Two atoms bump into each other. One says “I’ve lost an electron.” “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive.”

– – – – – – – –

A photon checks into a hotel. The clerk asks if he needs help with luggage. Photon replies, “I don’t have any, I’m traveling light.”

– – – – – – – –

Heisenberg is pulled over. “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?” asks the police officer. Heisenberg replied, “No. But, I know where I am.”

– – – – – – – –

Heisenberg is pulled over by a police officer. The officer says, “Do you realize you were going 108 miles per hour?” Heisenberg replied, “Oh, great, now I’m lost.”

– – – – – – – –

Heisenberg is pulled over. The police officer searches the car and says, “Do you know you have a dead cat in here?” Heisenberg answers, “I do now!”

– – – – – – – –

Don’t trust atoms… they make up everything.

– – – – – – – –

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a drink.
“For you, no charge.”

– – – – – – – –

Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

– – – – – – – –

 Q: Where does bad light end up?
A: In a prism.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What does a subatomic duck say?
A: Quark.

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?
A: A burger is in its ground state.

– – – – – – – –

Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the light bulb and one to rotate the universe.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What is a physicist’s favorite food?
A: Fission chips.

– – – – – – – –

Two physicists walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.

 

Space and Astronomy

I was reading a book about anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down!

– – – – – – – –

Q: What does NASA do when they want to throw a party?
A: They planet!

– – – – – – – –

Q: What kind of books do planets read?
A: Comet books!

– – – – – – – –

Q: Where does the astronaut park her spaceship?
A: At a parking meteor!

– – – – – – – –

Q: What does Saturn use to keep its pants up?
A: Its asteroid belt!

– – – – – – – –

Q: If athletes get “Athlete’s Foot”  What do astronauts get?
A: Missile toe.

– – – – – – – –

Q: How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
A: Eclipse it.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What kind of songs do the planets like to sing?
A: Nep-tunes.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?
A: The space bar!

– – – – – – – –

Q: What is a space traveler’s favorite chocolate?
A: A Marsbar!

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why did people not like the restaurant on the moon?
A: Because there was no atmosphere.

– – – – – – – –

Q: How do astronauts serve dinner?
A: On flying saucers.

– – – – – – – –

Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Oh wait, it’s just a satellite

– – – – – – – –

Q: How do you know the moon is broke?
A: When it’s down to its last quarter.

– – – – – – – –

Q: How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
A: When it’s full.

– – – – – – – –

Einstein developed a theory about space.
And it was about time too.

 

Geology

Schist happens!

– – – – – – – –

Don’t expect perfection from geologists. They all have their faults!

– – – – – – – –

One tectonic plate bumped into another and said, “Sorry, my fault.”

– – – – – – – –

Don’t take rock puns for granite.
They’re pretty solid.
Geology rocks!
I just hit rock bottom, didn’t I?

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why aren’t tectonic plates allowed in the mattress store?
A: Because they make the bedrock.

– – – – – – – –

If something is gneiss, don’t take it for granite.

– – – – – – – –

Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why wasn’t the geologist hungry?
A: Because they’d lost their apatite!

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why did the fold get arrested?
A: Because it was rolling a joint.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? A: No FRACKING way!!!

– – – – – – – –

Geologist pick-up line: Want to go behind that outcrop and get a little boulder?

– – – – – – – –

Q: What did the Psychologist tell the geologist?
A: “Every decline is a great Break Through”

– – – – – – – –

Q: How fast does a fault move?
A: A mylonite!

 

 

Biology

Q: What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why is the mushroom always invited to parties?
A: Because he’s a fun guy!

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Because the P is silent.

– – – – – – – –

Biology: The only science where multiplication and division mean the same thing.

– – – – – – – –

Q: What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
A: The nucleus.

 

 

Psychology

Pavlov is sitting at a bar when suddenly a bell rings:
He looks up and shouts, “Oh, no! I forgot to feed the dogs!”

 

 

Computer Programming & IT

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Can’t be done, sorry, it’s a hardware problem.

– – – – – – – –

There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those who understand binary. And those who don’t.

 

 

Math

Q: What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
A: Beer

– – – – – – – –

Q: Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
A: It’s two gross.

– – – – – – – –

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting on a bench, watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people enter the house; A while later, they watch three people leave the house.
The physicist says, “The initial measurement wasn’t accurate.”
The biologist counters, “They must have reproduced.”
Finally, the mathematician suggests, “If one more person enters the house, then it will be empty again.”

– – – – – – – –

Q: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
A: He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

 

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: